In a shocking turn of events that political analysts are calling “deeply stupid, yet somehow historic,” former President Donald Trump and tech emperor Elon Musk faced off in an unsanctioned billionaire brawl Thursday night — allegedly over electric vehicle tax credits, meme coins, and “hurt feelings.”
The Beef Begins
Sources say tensions began simmering when Trump tweeted from his gold-plated flip phone:
“Elon was NOTHING before me. He built rockets, sure, but I built America. Sad to see a loser betray me. #FakeGenius”
Musk immediately responded from his Neuralink-connected forehead:
“Bro, you bankrupt a casino. Sit down. I launched a car into space.”
The digital exchange quickly spiraled, culminating in an impromptu showdown inside Mar-a-Lago’s ballroom, hastily converted into a makeshift octagon using pool noodles, NFTs, and leftover MAGA banners.
The Showdown
Attendees described the scene as “like WrestleMania, but with more hair spray and fewer rules.” Trump entered to Kid Rock’s Born Free, wearing a red robe stitched with “Stable Genius.” Musk floated in via a mini-rocket powered by Dogecoin.
The referee? Joe Rogan, obviously.
The prize? Control over the U.S. Department of Memes (DoM), a fake but surprisingly influential agency both men claim to have invented.
Round One: Electric Boogaloo
Trump opened strong with a classic WWE chair throw (gold-plated, of course), shouting, “No more EV handouts, Elon!”
Musk retaliated by launching a mini Tesla drone that played Grimes songs on loop, stunning Trump long enough for a spin-kick from his Boring Company flamethrower boot.
Round Two: The Quote War
The two began hurling absurd quotes at each other:
Trump:
“I invented electricity, okay? Ask Ben Franklin. Good friend of mine.”
Musk:
“I’m already president — of Mars. You’re just Florida Man with a golf cart.”
The crowd cheered. Ron DeSantis cried quietly in the corner.
Final Round: The Meme-Off
Musk summoned his legion of AI-generated meme bots while Trump unleashed a torrent of boomer Facebook memes from 2016. The resulting meme singularity caused the ballroom’s chandelier to explode, briefly opening a portal to the metaverse, where Steve Bannon and Andrew Tate were reportedly playing poker.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 5, 2025
Aftermath
Both men claimed victory on their respective platforms:
- Trump on Truth Social:
“Total win. Knocked out the cyborg. I’m the REAL Elon now.”
- Musk on X:
“Combat complete. Trump’s data has been uploaded to Tesla’s new sarcasm-detection AI. Launching $TRUMP token tonight.”
Wall Street responded by crashing entirely. CNBC began broadcasting interpretive dance. Bitcoin hit $1M, then immediately dropped to $12 when it was revealed the fight was actually scripted by OpenAI.
White House Response
President Biden, reached for comment, simply blinked twice and whispered, “Did Corn Pop write this?”
Disclaimer: This article is pure parody. No billionaires were harmed in the making (but someone’s ego definitely was).
